I havn't had the time to write for such a long time and ive been really dissapointed because i loved having this little escape to rant about lifes little issues that get me down and have a rant, so im going to try and get back into doing this daily or atleast weekly again because ive missed so many oppurtunies recently to explore my mind and try and explain the way i think about things.
So im just gonna run through a few things that have gone on and see where i end up!
I recently met two people at work who definately changed my view on a few things.
Everything was going pleasently and i had never expected to meet anyone in the near future or even go on dates with people because i have ultimately given up finding someone im happy and content settling for, this makes me sound like a massive bitch but im not sure why but everyone ive been with recently hasnt even touched the surface of meaning enough to make me want to stay with for a long period of time, don't get me wrong i'd love to find that person who could be my bestfriend aswell as my boyfriend but it isnt all that important to me to be with someone nor do i have faith that they exist!
Anyway, so this boy from work came over and we exchanged numbers, it was one of those moments that should have had a warning sign attatched to, it was my first mistake of many and i should have realised from then on that things were only gonna get worse but i was naiive and i sadly tried to see the good in him.
It turned out weeks later after id actualy made the effort to get to know him that he basicaly had a double life he took em out then took another girl out etc..
Was a pretty weird feeling like that horrible sinking feeling when you know you've given your all to something that just wasnt worth it, however from this i found someone else who for a short period of time meant alot to me, im not sure whether it was through revenge i found him or because it was the way it should have happened from the beginning but we got together unfortunately it was his best mate and i once again should ahve known that the relationship was never going to be great, i fell out with my brother because of who i was going out with aswell, he didnt like him and he was protecting me from him by showing how much he didnt like him, this was unfair and stupid, it didnt help and possibly pushed us together for longer than we would have lasted in the first place, but the weird thing i found with the boy i was going out with was that he made me happy he made me see the simple things about being with someone again, it wasnt all about money or times or when we would meet up it was casual and easy going, exactly how i wanted it.
However i ended it because it didnt feel exactly right i wasnt ready for such a huge commitment to someone and he was.
Aside from that also i lost someone who i used to speak to everyday was really close to and i miss that everyday i cant seem to get through to him or even get and answer to why he's not been himself lately kinda sucks really!
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