meaning..

I feel like shittt.
I woke up and i was shocked at how bad this bad hair day was
also...
I woke up this morning feeling pretty empty, like completely drained. I've been in such a little hole lately trying to hide from how i feel and shutting people out because im sick of letting them in and getting hurt.
But i've always been one of those people who kinda just ignore whats going on in my head and carry on, im just not sure how much longer i can continue being this person.
I'm not even sure whats wrong, i feel as if im searching for something ill never find, i never feel like i meet anyone elses standards, im constantly self conscious and i feel like i just want to escape it all.

It was after thinking this through this morning that i wondered why it is we rely on others to determine our happiness, like why some people think that having a boyfriend or a girlfriend makes them happy or getting extremely drunk and making an idiot of yourself can cure your upset?
id love to know where the core of real happiness lies..
i would say it was in doing the things we enjoy and not relying on a person or situation to determine how happy you are.
I'll never understand why i let it get to me so much if i dont get a reply straight away or i dont wake up with a text or something, its silly little things like that,that do genuinly make me happy.
I guess its human nature to want and to be wanted in return maybe the feeling of being needed or thought about is the thing we crave the most?

The last time i remember being undoubtaby happy was when me and kirsty went away with her family everything was slow and relaxed we wernt rushed to do things it was lovely i loved the feeling that we'd escaped :).

This definately sums up my mood.


"I feel like i’m constantly waiting for something to happen, to prove that you care.
Something, that will set me apart from the rest. Maybe the way in which you talk, the tone of your voice. Maybe the way you smile, because you’re smiling at me. Maybe the words you say, some specially reserved for me.Maybe just that you want to know even the most mundane details, and to speak to me each minute of the day.
But lately, I find myself questioning how much longer I will wait, rather than how much you care."




Oh and

day 6 — a stranger

i have absolutely no idea who u were or whether i will ever see you again, but i was completely exhausted one night, completely at the end of my temper and without speaking to you im not sure how much longer i could have sat there and been so mind numbingly bored. you showed me not to be so selfish for that i thankyou :) x